Thursday, December 5, 2013

Maybe it's the stress of final exams and the pressure to ace them all that has brought me to tears and Jonas Brothers music videos, or maybe it's a huge wave of procrastination that's finally hitting me. Either way, I've been sitting here for the past hour on YouTube clicking from music video to music video then smiling then crying then smiling again - it's quite annoying to be honest. I'm not even sure when I started to cry; I didn't notice until a few minutes ago.

But why, why cry?
I'm not exactly sure myself.

Maybe it's because every time I clicked a new video, a new set of memories would come along with it. It's so weird to see these videos and remember all the emotions I felt when I watched them for the first time or the second time or the fifteenth time if it just happened to be the 'Burning Up' video.

Maybe sleeping for four hours then drinking coffee all day to keep me going was an awful idea for my sanity.

Maybe it's that I just realized those boys really have split up and won't make music as a group anymore which means my childhood, or teenage years, or both is officially over. This means I'll never see their new video then scream or cry or shake or all of the above then swear Joe is going to marry me then swoon so hard my parents wonder if their daughter will ever get a grip on reality (then repeat the cycle five minutes later). Sure, I still do these things as a twenty year old over plenty of bands (though I'm aware it is not socially acceptable - sorry not sorry), but it's not the same anymore. It will never be the same.

Yeah, I'm sad. Yeah, I'm disappointed at this realization. But life goes on.

I'll no longer be the teenager (yes, yes, I'm only twenty - spare the lecture, I get it), but that's okay. The more I think about how much music influenced and affected me growing up, the more excited I get to work in that particular industry.

If I can't be the teenager, I'll be just as happy with being the woman who connects the fans to the band. This is the one thing I know I was put on this earth to do.

I'm not really sure how to end this weird rant, sob fest, shoving my dreams into more words type deal or whatever this is so I'll leave you with this.

"Dreams only work if you do."
AKA, I need to get my butt back to studying for Rise of Europe so I can actually graduate and be successful.

But really, Joe Jonas, if you still want to get married - I'll be your girl.

Or Harry Styles.

Or Logan Henderson.

I'm pathetic. Bye.

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